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Songs From Season One

by Buffering the Vampire Slayer

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1.
LYRICS: I’m brand new in Sunnydale, I haven’t quite unpacked Oh hey Cordelia, Xander, Willow - ugh, who’s this creeper in the stacks With the great big vampire book, probably bound in human skin There’s a dead guy in a locker and all they did was cancel gym Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Welcome to the Hellmouth! (Forgot my stake!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (Will we be okay?!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (Joyce is optimistic!) Headed to The Bronze and there’s a hot guy on my heels Talking some trash about some harvest - and is this librarian for real? Gotta follow Willow to the graveyard, try to keep her from gettin bit I can’t believe I got sucked back into this shhhhhhhhh Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Welcome to the Hellmouth! (I’m in a crypt!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (Luke is big!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (To be continued...)
2.
The Harvest 01:15
LYRICS: So hey, about that Harvest, well, it seems to be quite nigh! But first The Master has to finish gouging out this minion’s eye Turns out WIllow sure can hack, Xander likes to tag along Giles takes off his glasses and then he puts them right back on Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Welcome to the Hellmouth! (It’s Harvest time!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (I can jump really high!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (one girl in all the whateverrrr) Jesse’s super dead, the vampires made him one of them And is it possible that Angel’s never even had one friend?! Anyway Luke hit The Bronze to feed and things were lookin bad Til I decapitated someone with a cymbal... which was rad Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Welcome to the Hellmouth! (It’s Harvest time!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (Will Cordelia die?!) Welcome to the Hellmouth! (Thank god she made it!) And so did everybody else
3.
Witch 02:04
LYRICS: Well it’s tryouts week and I’m so excited, I’d really like to lead some cheers! But the competition is super tight and things are getting pretty weird Spontaneous human combustion occurred, much to Giles’ delight If Cordelia can’t see her own face in the mirror, what is the point of life? In an attic, there’s a cauldron full of something green And whoever’s doing magic has it in for me yeah everybody knows that Amy’s mom is a total *ahem* Better watch out for that witch Now I’m hella hexed, and I’m feeling wasted - soon I could be feeling dead But sometimes the only way forward’s gettin Thrown into the periodic table of the elements I’ll kick down a mirror, reflecting her own spell right back in her witch face And she will remain, forever and always trapped in a trophy case And I really can’t get that mad at her Cause I also want to be a cheerleader But everybody knows it’s rude to perform a body switch Gotta watch out for that witch
4.
LYRICS: NA NA NANANANA NA NA, NA NA NANANANA NAAA-AAAA-AAAAH Dr Gregory, he believed in me All of the grown-ups think I’m a lost cause When was the last time someone didn’t write me Off to lunch and then, we found him with no head Cordelia’s screaming, but she’s real resilient shouldn’t someone be calling law enforcement I won’t ever be teacher’s pet, I’m really just not cut out for it Slayers weren’t meant to study entomology Could somebody please put Blaine on mute? And wouldja get a fuckin’ load of this substitute Spinnin her head around on top of her neck Who’d wanna be teacher’s pet? NA NA NANANANA NA NA, NA NA NANANANA NAAA-AAAA-AAAH Teen Masculinity, so prone to fragility Just look at Xander, puffing his chest Sparring with Blaine in this regressive contest How often it’s been said, pretty girls just make boys lose theirs heads With their smiles that say “take a chance on my mandibles and serrated hands” They all wanna be teacher’s pet, I’m really really just not down with it Gotta save my friends from a giant (she)mantis Virgins are her favorite, but she hates bat sonar sure makes hacking off her limbs a little less hard It’s been an evening that I won’t soon forget Who’d wanna be teacher’s pet NA NA NANANANA NA NA, NA NA NANANANA NAAA-AAAA-AAAH I’m gonna go home, got some homework Lemme just put these glasses back where they belong
5.
LYRICS: It seems like I can’t go a week without some ancient prophecy Tripping me up… (Xander shut up) Thought I might get to have some fun, but now there’s this anointed one Threatening to rise from the ashes of five And I know I should stay focused and the world depends on me But who can think about that stuff when a cute boy’s reading poetry? Being Chosen is a thing that’s easy to hate But I know who I am and I know it’s my fate You might be a slayer if you can relate: It’s hard to never kill a boy on the first date Never kill a boy on the first date Cordelia you’re no threat to me, but Angel’s looking jealously At Owen - oh no, the secrets they grow The gang’s all here, we have to go to the romantic funeral home Where Giles is trapped, with guilt I am wracked And I know he’s not my dad, but he still looks after me Which is nice since no one’s seen my mom since back in episode three Being Chosen is a thing that’s easy to hate But I know who I am and I know it’s my fate You might be a slayer if you can relate: It’s hard to never kill a boy on the first date Never kill a boy on the first date By the way, I’ll wear whatever I want, and Xander it’s uncool To try to slut shame all your friends just because they won’t go out with you Being Chosen is a thing that’s easy to hate But I know who I am and I know it’s my fate You might be a slayer if you can relate: It’s hard to never kill a boy on the first date Never kill a boy on the first date
6.
The Pack 02:41
LYRICS: The pack the pack … the pack the pack Spoken: Hey Buffy, Heard there was a big mess in Sunnydale last week. Word has it there were zoo creatures and teenagers all mixed up. Do you know about it? Well I was hangin at the zoo on a field trip Which didn't seem particularly age appropriate These kids were being rude and I don't know why Sometimes I wish that it was cool to slay my own kind Well I watched them head to the hyena hideout Even though it's quarantined But this zookeeper he really cramped our style And wouldn't let us in to seeeee The pack the pack … the pack the pack Spoken: Oh my, a hyena hideout you say? And bullies on the loose? Buffy that sounds horrible! What happened next? The razorbacks have got a brand new mascot pig But he'll be lucky if he makes it to ninth period Xander's bein mean to Willow and that's not like him And have I mentioned that Cordelia seems to be absent Bid a fond farewell to Principal Flutie Victim of the savage beasts Then we quick transferred the hyena spirit Straight into the old zookeep He went in head over heels Hyena finally gets a meal from The pack the pack … the pack the pack Spoken: Wow, Buffy, sounds like that zookeeper was a real zoo creeper I guess like they say, it's the circle of life By the way I simply love that neckerchief
7.
Angel 03:45
LYRICS: I know what I should do: forget about you and walk away But I know that what I should do and what I want to are not the same I keep breathing in You make the rest of the world go dim History says you’re a monster but it don’t know you like I know you You’re fighting it, you’re fighting it so hard I don’t mean to want you only gravity is pulling on me I’m fighting it, I’m fighting it so hard You’re scared of what you might do that you might find you can’t change your face But I see what you’re made of what you gave up to keep me safe I keep breathing in You make the rest of the world go dim Your old friends say you’re a monster but they don’t know you like I know you You’re fighting it, you’re fighting it so hard I don’t mean to want you only gravity is pulling on me I’m fighting it, I’m fighting it so hard
8.
LYRICS: There comes a time in a librarian’s life When he has to look his adversary in the eye And say “Hello Ms. Calendar, scan what you must But I don’t have to like it” There comes a time in a Willow’s life When she meets a mysterious boy online But something doesn’t add up, so fetch my disguise What’s this that I’m detecting? There’s a demon there’s a demon on the internet There’s a demon there’s a demon on the internet He’s ones and zeroes just like you’d expect There’s a demon there’s a demon on the internet There’s a demon there’s a demon on the internet There comes a time when the boy Willow met Is actually that demon from the internet Fuckin’ Fritz is the worst, and he tried to elec- trocute me in the showers There comes a time when a librarian learns That “technopagan” is the actual term And Malcolm is Moloch, and Moloch got fried And oh hey by the by If that’s not where it dangles Then um, where does it dangle? There’s a demon now the demon’s off the internet There’s a demon there’s a demon on the internet Computers don’t smell but he’s fried to shit There’s a demon there’s a demon on the internet Yeah the demon yeah the demon’s off the internet
9.
LYRICS: This week is the talent show and if there’s one thing that I know It’s that I don’t wanna do it but somehow I got roped into it Everybody else is good at stuff - Cordelia sings (at least sort of) But my talent’s best kept hidden not like, for example, Morgan’s ventriloquism Why did it have to be A live ventriloquist’s dummy I wish that it was anything but that Cause me and dummies have an uncomfortable past And I don’t need to bore ya With the details of my phobia I just wish that it was anything but that Somebody’s been harvesting - first a heart, then a brain Guess a demon needs some organs to keep livin like a human Sid’s not evil so it seems but Principal Snyder might be Yeah the jury’s out on that one anyway Mark the magician went into his magic box and changed into a full-skin demon and attacked us but we beat him and then stabbed him in the heart Why did it have to be A live ventriloquist’s dummy I wish that it was anything but that Cause me and dummies have an uncomfortable past And I don’t need to bore ya With the details of my phobia I just wish that it was anything but that
10.
Nightmares 02:17
LYRICS: Nightmares, nightmares Billy's in a coma and it's fucking us up It's gonna get worse unless he wakes up The Ugly Man's got a strong backhand Textbook spiders are giving us chills Will someone tell Laura that smoking can kill? Count 1,2 … He's coming for you Nightmares, nightmares A clowns chasing Xander with a really big knife Nightmares, nightmares Willows singing opera in a very bright spotlight The stuff of our dreams makes it harder to breathe How we ever gonna get gonna get free from our Nightmares, nightmares, nightmares Nightmares, nightmares, nightmares Giles can't read, he's lost in the stacks Cordelia's hair is under attack That cool guy's mom, Xander's clothes are gone Cemetery comes outta nowhere The Master got out of his underground lair Open graaave … How will I save … (everybody from the) Nightmares, Nightmares Giles faced his horror in the dark of the night Nightmares, Nightmares I turned into the monster that I'm fated to fight The stuff of our dreams makes it harder to breathe How we ever gonna get gonna get free from our Nightmares, nightmares, nightmares Nightmares, nightmares, nightmares
11.
LYRICS: Well it’s May Queen season, not like Cordelia needs a reason To act like royalty Somebody no one can find appears to have an axe to grind With her literally Her boyfriend Mitch was attacked By a floating wooden baseball bat Her best friend Harmony was pushed down the stairs By a girl unseen Yeah she’s mad and mean Since she went out of mind And out of sight Well poor Miss Miller, thank god you didn’t kill her Now on to surgery! Now you’ve tied up Cordelia, if I listen hard I’ll hear ya Catch you in drapery The suits are here to take you in Cordelia’s acting like a friend Sorry Marcie that we made you fade To a girl unseen So mad and mean Since she went out of mind And out of sight
12.
LYRICS: Well I heard the words you said, but I can’t make them make sense I face nightmares every night, but now I wanna run instead From what will come, what will come If our world belongs to them What will come, what will come Just keep fighting, just keep fighting, that’s what I’m supposed to do If I just keep fighting, just keep fighting, maybe I’ll believe it too When you sat there on the bed, looking scared looking ahead Couldn’t shake the things you’d seen, and it woke me when you said What will come, what will come If our world belongs to them What will come, what will come Just keep fighting, just keep fighting, that’s what I’m supposed to do If I just keep fighting, just keep fighting, I think that I’ll believe it too Fire rising in my bones, I can free us from his hold From the fear that keeps us bound, I am standing, now I know What will come, what will come If our world belongs to them What will come, what will come Just keep fighting, just keep fighting, that’s what I’m supposed to do If I just keep fighting, just keep fighting, know that I’ll believe it too

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released December 5, 2016

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Buffering the Vampire Slayer New York, New York

Buffering the Vampire Slayer is an episodic rewatch podcast hosted by Jenny Owen Youngs & Kristin Russo following the 90s' TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Featured on Entertainment Weekly, Esquire, Time, and listed as one of the top 30 podcasts of the decade by Paste Magazine!

Every ep of the podcast also includes a new original song recapping each glorious Buffy episode!

*wolf howl*
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